gangsta rappers and lesbians

yesterday snoop dogg was on ellen. he was introduced by some guy who handles dogs in shows. "and now for a rare dog..." and snoop walks out, ellen scratches him under his chin like a puppy and the audience goes kah-razy. these middle aged lesbians from all over the country were so thrilled to see snoop! and snoop smiled, excited to see them too. then he hugged ellen and i thought that maybe the world can make it.

To the left, to the left

last night, i watched the american music awards. throughout the evening, they kept teasing a "surprising performance by beyonce". sold - can't wait. beyonce always gives 110%, i bet this is something good. then, back from break, "please welcome sugarland performing irreplaceable!" hmmm - that's the title of a beyonce song. they couldn't be covering-- then i heard it. "to the left to the left". oh no. a surprising beyonce performance? well fuck yeah, this is surprising.

Sugarland Feat. Beyonce - Irreplaceable [Live @ ama's 2007]
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

i'm listening to lite pop rock

and i'm happy to say i do not like it as much as i thought i would. i was a little nervous that they would hit me with the fray. then a little lifehouse. throw in some snow patrol and this would have been my new favorite station. but they went straight for enrique eglasias and then current backstreet boys. ew!

i was not excited about liking a station called lite pop rock. i think it has a lot to do with my anger towards bon jovi for becoming adult contemporary. not that he was a hardcore rockstar in his hey day, but he was a like the nice bad boy. i liked that little bit of rocker in him. now it's all gone, he blow dries. a lot. he's only played on stations like Q107.3. i used to listen to that when i was fourteen in virginia riding in my dad's jeep. it was the only station we could both stand. he always wanted to listen to oldies and i wanted alternative rock. or jodeci.

ugh, leann rimes just came on. i have to go change it to something cooler. like mellow rock.

remember when she liked coke?

i bet she was more fun.

oh joel mchale, you're the best

i love the soup. for reasons like this:

the #1 movie? really america?

who wrote this? my dad? wow. hackey gay jokes are worth $35 million.

teens are smart

i’ve been revisiting some of my favorite teen dramas lately. i just watched a very special and topical 90210 this weekend – brandon gets a DUI. after lying to his parents about how it happened, brandon tells brenda to cut him some slack if he has to “bend the chronology of his downfall.”

listening to them talk i realized that teens are smart. and i need a thesaurus.

i do not have herpes

something's cooking...

and it's a crappy romantic comedy. set in a very specific world of puns.


i bet there was a long list of pun taglines that weren't chosen.

• You don't have to always wait to be seated.
• Try one of life's specials.
• Today's special might be love.
• Do you have the recipe for a lasting relationship?

create your own. it's fun.

no john. no.

something about travolta in hairspray makes me throw up in my mouth a little. so i made this.

don't blink.

my television debut. i'm the girl at dippin' dots.



halfway home was a hilarious show on comedy central with LOTS of talented people. sadly, it will only be one season.

you can not take liberties with the wizard of oz

i just went to see wicked. it's highly recommended, playing all over the country, and about witches. sounds great even to someone like me who isn't a fan of musicals. i get embarrassed for the actors when they sing dialogue. there's no reason to sing "hello, how are you? i'm ok, just real busy with schoolwork..." just talk normally and then sing the songs. it's kind of like how we have to experience sadness to appreciate happiness. i need to experience talking to appreciate singing. yins and yangs people.

SPOILER ALERT: (does anyone care?)
as i understood it, wicked was going to be a prequel to the wizard of oz. the musical starts off that way, but then goes right through the wizard of oz and changes key elements of the story to suit the new musical. you can't do that! the wizard of oz is a classic!

a note: prior to seeing this i did not have such strong feelings about the wizard of oz. but let me list some of the atrocities:

• the wicked witch is not wicked. she is misunderstood for being green. uh, kermit already took care of that.
• glinda the good witch is sort of like paris hilton but bitchier and dumber.
• the wizard is an asshole.
• the wicked witch wasn't really mad at dorothy.
• dorothy doesn't melt the wicked witch, the wicked witch staged her own death so she could run away with the scarecrow!
  

WHAT?!

i will now pause for your own outrage to begin.

patricia heaton is not trustworthy

i don't like patricia heaton. she can't be trusted. not b/c she opposes stem cell research, not because she would host a special called "thou shalt laugh", and not because a youtube search for her results in various shots of her cleavage. though i do dislike her for all of those reasons, but her worst offense is that she reads her children's diaries.

a while back, patty was on conan discussing her children. she brought up the fact that she reads her kid's diaries. conan questioned her and was immediately shot down as being stupid for not wanting to invade children's privacy. then she started to tell what was in the diary. in detail. on national television.

she must be stopped.

via satellite

i watch television via satellite. so since i'm in LA, cable channels come through on eastern standard time. at about 1am (i'm still up and watching tv), it's 4am EST so the cable channels start showing their paid programming. i occasionally check in to see what the masses are buying.

i stumbled upon this. "rejuvenique" and linda evans. this charming mask helps you look younger. it also helps you look like a murderer.

are rappers bored?

i hate this song. jim jones sounds like he is sleeping.

american idol stylists are mean

sanjaya is not the most talented singer on american idol and he probably wont win, but the stylists on AI should not be allowed to play with him like this. he is only seventeen and he has no idea he can tell the stylists that no, he does not want to look like a cross between shirley temple and sandra bernhard. check him out...

week 1: kind of normal. a little over zealous with the curling iron, but ok.

week 2: michael jackson

week three: the rachel?

week four: this is the shirley/sandra 'do that is just mean.

of course i can't wait to see what they do to him next week. but still, it's mean right?

UPDATE 3/21: everyone looked better last night, they even let melinda doolittle out of her matronly dresses. check this out: votefortheworst.com sanjaya is going to win.

UPDATE 6/12: well it goes without saying that sanjaya was the best part of american idol. i never voted for a contestant on any other season and i voted for sanjaya. then i found out that he's not real.

i have luke warm feelings towards alpacas

for no other reason than i just found out about them. and aren't they just small llamas?

i have seen this commercial several times now, usually late at night with no warning:

this is an odd infomercial commercial. it's suggesting that i can find financial security and spend more time with my family by starting an alpaca farm. really? but i've never heard of alpacas. people don't eat them, drink their milk or wear their fur do they?

upon further research, i love alpacas.com tells me that alpacas are the "world's finest livestock investment." turns out their fleece is turned into the most luxurious garments in the world. sounds delicious.

i love design shows

particularly 'design on a dime' on hgtv. they spend $1000 (actually much more than a dime) to design a room in your house. sometimes they are good: i once saw them make a murphy bed out of a desk and it was spectacular.

sometimes they are bad: design coordinator kelly hung these scary plants on the wall because she "wanted to put plants in the room but wasn't sure how." well kelly, how about in a pot on a table?

nope, not for kelly. she thought nailing moss to a plank and then tying a staghorn fern to that with fishing line was the way to go. they look like green organic deer antlers. gross.